yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
