Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
