Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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