I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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