Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
