He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
