If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
