Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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