That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
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