I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
