it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
