youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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