dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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