don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
