To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
