I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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