So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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