they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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