He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
