I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
