I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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