Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
