Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
