i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
