Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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