You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
