Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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