I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
