you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
