I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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