I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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