That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
