The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
