I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
