remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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