sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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