I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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