Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
