My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
