i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
