I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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