my mouth tastes like poor choices
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize