I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
