Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize