God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
