I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
