Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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