oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
