we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
