uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
