you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
