Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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