There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
