I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
