She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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