i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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