Nicole vs. Life
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
