so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
