New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
