If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
