i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize