I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
