those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
