Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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