Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
