So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
