I'm going to jail i love you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
