hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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