Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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