I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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