my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
