one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Man, jail baloney is awful.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
