Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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