I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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