Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
