I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We need a shit load of segways right now
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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