And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
