Please don't use social media to get back at me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
