If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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