My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Randomize
