She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
