Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my sisters under your porch take her home
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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