I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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