There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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