Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
