Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
