You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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