she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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