she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
