Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
