Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
