His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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