PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
