We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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